Mark Steinkampf was the first to meet Carlee. Assigned a suicide call, he found Carlee in her suite, and her common law spouse the victim of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to his head. As I watched the footage of Carlee telling her story to the camera, minutes after her loved one had shot himself, I knew that this would be signature footage for a hard-hitting drug education documentary. In fact, everyone that saw it knew it. During the interview, Carlee went on to show the effects of her cocaine psychosis, a large gaping hole in her arm. She then revealed the other healed scars that she had levied against her own torso during earlier fits of psychosis. These images have the strongest effect on youth during presentations because they the most graphic. They are the most shocking, and they are impossible to ignore. Underneath the wounds, though, was a really decent person with a very caring family behind her.

I remember her mother, Betty Anne, telling me that she had become alerted to Carlee’s use of drugs when she was a teenager in high school. She had sought out her local police station seeking some type of answers and help for the drug use that her daughter was involving herself in. She was unable to make any type of connection for Carlee that would stop her precipitous slide, and so her progression went from being a recreational user to adopting a drug-based lifestyle. Small health issues multiplied into life threatening medical conditions. Her hospital stays became longer and longer. Of her last year of ‘life’, eleven months were spent in the hospital, with her Mom often at her bedside.

I am sure that Carlee used up a lot of good will from her mother and family, as well as from her friends that looked after her and cared for her while she was on the street. But if one looked beyond the high maintenance demands of Carlee as an addict, she was a pretty unique person.

Carlee was always helpful in allowing us to film her in hospital. These are tough times, and the images that come forward from a filming shoot are not flattering. One of the most poignant clips of her in the hospital is a short piece that Mark filmed as he is hovering over her as she lay stretched out in the hospital bed. In this segment she talks about how great her family has been and how supportive they have been of her. As she speaks, the camera gently bumps around with normal body movement, but as the angle is almost overhead, it is almost as though the camera is floating above her like an angel taking her confession.

On the street, Carlee was always quick to hit us up for a dollar or two, cognizant that we were soft targets and had a hard time saying no. Every once in a while, when the demands became a little excessive, we would tell her that we could not do it. The refusal never affected her disposition, and she would quickly shift over to asking how Randy was doing or other such small talk. It was like she was obligated to try, but did not really care about the outcome.

She was quick to catch sarcasm, and being around a lot of police officers, sarcasm abounds. She could participate in this pastime as good as any, often delivering a stinging one-liner that fit the conversation only too well, and left us struggling to deliver a comeback. Carlee always spoke very highly of her mother, and her family members. She never once missed the fact that they were her bastion of support. Although she was living on savage streets that made enemies of best friends, she never engaged in activities that would hurt another person. She kept to herself, and more importantly, maintained long-term friendships with people she had known for years. Carlee had a great many friends that stuck by her over the years. Elaine, Gary, and Suzy were just a few that kept up with Carlee.

Carlee liked ‘The Doors’, and although it was dark music, it fit with where she was at while in the throes of addiction. In the film footage taken at the time of John’s suicide, a large picture of bandleader Jim Morrison frames the wall behind her, and although the music was not used for the film, I think it would have fit.

When I walk the lanes at night I sometimes think of how recently it was that Carlee was be hanging about, with her arm bandaged up, on the corner of Carrall and Hastings Street. Al would always suggest ‘The Only’ seafood restaurant for a bite, and here we would treat Carlee to a meal. She took the time to catch up with what was happening with the other film subjects, as well as the police officers of Odd Squad. She was genuinely interested in how we were doing.

Her support net, from her mother on down, was always strong. I shudder when I think of what Betty has had to endure in these last few years. To lose a daughter, and worse, watch this loss unwind over a number of years is an unimaginable horror. As tough as it was, Betty prevailed. She threw herself behind Carlee’s participation in ‘Through A Blue Lens’, fully aware that her daughter’s story would be exposed to the whole world, but cognizant that the message she had to deliver was too important not to tell.

Everyone that knew Carlee can have comfort in knowing that her assistance in the drug education field has undoubtedly helped save countless other youth from ending up where she once was. This is an important legacy.

My shifts in the Skids go on. I will not soon forget April and Carlee and the wonderful contributions that they were able to make by sharing their lives with us. I have also become a firm believer in the importance of delivering a realistic message to youth about the costs of drug addiction. I am grateful for the opportunity to know these young ladies, their history, their family and friends, and also thankful for how they have helped me in my approach to policing. I stop and talk a lot more now, largely because of knowing April, Carlee, and the other participants in ‘Through A Blue Lens’. More than ever, I recognize that there may be a lot more behind the person on the street than what I perceived when I first landed in the Skids.

Carlee at Aquarium

Carlee’s dream of being a marine biologist never materialized because of her heavy involvement of drugs. She wished that she never touched any drugs. Drugs only sap potential, and life itself.